Mary Robb Jackson's Blog

 

This morning, Matt Regan, who produces the noon news here at KDKA asked me what it was like to meet John Challis. My first, and immediate reaction was, "He was an angel."

On a Monday last May I, along with photographer Lori Sperling, drove to John's home in Freedom. John and his family had been guests of Mario Lemieux at one of the Pen's playoff games. They also had met Dan Rooney and Ben Roethlisberger that special evening. John had told a reporter that, "Just to hang with them guys and be with them - I felt - I felt honored."

But the truth of it was that spending even a little time with John Challis was the real honor. The 18-year-old had been diagnosed with lung and liver cancer two years ago. He told me that day, "I ain't gonna lie - I do get scared - but I don't let it bother me - you just can't let those little things control your life."

John and I talked a lot off-camera because both of us shared the experience of having cancer - both of us talked about getting beyond the fears and keeping a firm grip on life.

John had the clearest eyes I've ever seen - you fell into them as he spoke about his family, his prom date, his love of cooking. He proudly showed me his bedroom, filled with sports banners, and scrapbooks filled with memories of his precious days with all those who loved him.

I have only briefly spoken with John's parents, but however it was that they raised that boy - and lived with the reality that they would lose him long before it was comprehensible - they did God's work. John knew, without, a doubt that he was here for a reason. He told me, "Don't look at dying as a bad thing - look at it as a chance to meet God - and make the best of the time you do have." John was an ordinary kid with an extraordinary gift to touch the lives of others and remind us how dear are our limited days - and how important it is to let those we love know it.

Yesterday, John Challis died in that home he was so proud of, surrounded by those who never faltered in supporting him during his struggle.

As I said of him in May, "John Challis was ready when it was time to round the bases and head for home." The very last thing I can remember him telling me was, "Meeting God - that would be pretty cool - well it's gonna be pretty cool." There is no doubt in my mind that it was.

 

But it was a comment posted at 4:55PM yesterday that underscored the kindness of strangers. It came from Mike, who is married to Mariel's birth-mother. Although we have never met or spoken, he understood how much the passing hours might be weighing on us as we waited for news of how Mariel's meeting at the California airport had gone. He wrote this soon after she had landed.

455PM - "It was an amazing time at the airport today watching Mary Rita and Mariel see each other after 22-years. I watched with a family friend as Mariel reunited with Mary, Timothy, Anthony, and Anna.

They are truly blessed to have found each other. It was exciting to watch three siblings become four.

The two oldest (Mariel and Anthony) look very muck alike with their red hair and fair complection.

And to Mary Robb. You are right, you gained an extended family and did not lose a daughter.'

Mike B."

Reading Mike's message I knew that all my hopes and prayers for our girl were answered.

Our morning had begun at 5AM. Mariel's plane was leaving at 7:40 and Michael believes in getting to airports early.

Mariel had hardly closed her eyes all night. She had written lists on post-its that were everywhere so that she wouldn't forget anything. On the way to "Pittsburgh International" we talked about the day ahead of her. She was understandably apprehensive - but at the same time so excited about seeing her brothers and sister for the first time. She is now an older sister - not an only child.

We kissed and hugged her goodbye - more than a few times - and watched as she moved through security, filling the bins with flip-flops, bag, books, hoodie and laptop. Every minute or so she would turn around and wave again...and we'd wave back. On some unspoken level we all knew that this was a very powerful adventure for all of us.

We watched until we could only see the tips of her fingers waving in the distance.

Michael and I had just gotten back to the car when my cell phone rang. It was Mariel. She said: 'Mom, I'm walking around here aimlessly and I keep thinking about that meeting that will be happening in the airport 9-hours from now.'

We both tried to reassure her. I told her:'that thinking about things is always far more overwhelming that the reality of doing them.' Hearing her voice again Michael's eyes filled and brimmed over.

If there is any difference at all in the bonds forged between birth-parents, or adoptive parents and the child that love - I can't imagine what it is. The aching in hearts and minds is no less acute.

By the time we got here to work Mariel had already sent us an e-mail message. It said in part:

"Hey Guys,

Thank you so much for seeing me off today. You have no idea how much it means to me that you two are so supportive. Mom, your blog made me cry last night. And Dad...you starting to cry on the phone totally got to me.

The comment on your blog was right, 'You can never be loved too much,' and I have an amazing family.

You will always be my number ones. You are my parents, and no one can ever replace you. Your support of me finding my birth-family has even more validated our bond, one that can only grow as we get to know each other as adults. You have been there for me through the best and the worst, and I'm so happy that you can be here for me during this new endeavor...I couldn't have asked for better parents.

Alright, well, I don't want to cry in the airport alone. Have a great week and a Happy 4th! I'll call you when I'm in Phoenix, and later tonight in California. You really mean the world to me. And I feel like I can just burst. Deep breaths.

I love you"

Mariel did call from Phoenix...and again as she was landing in California...as well as late last night. She can't remember much about the meeting at the airport - just that they all hugged and hung on tight - one big emotional blur.

She sounds very happy...had gone swimming with her little sister...and was walking the dog.

Life is good.

Mary Robb Jackson

Twenty-two years ago on April 8th, 1986 our beautiful daughter was born. She was very much a "special delivery."

Four-days after her birth at Magee-Women’s Hospital, Mariel was brought to our doorstep by a woman, I truly believe did God's work, Mrs. Elizabeth Duncan.

I always knew that adopting a child was my way of becoming a mom. Michael and I have always said that we never could have produced anyone as wonderful as Mariel.

Mariel has known that she was adopted from the time she was a little girl. Occasionally, as she was growing up, she would ask questions about her birth parents and we would share as much information as we could. It had been a "closed" adoption so there was not a great deal of background.

This summer, Mariel asked if we might begin trying to find her birth mother. More than anything else she wanted to know if she had any brothers and sisters.

We talked about all the possible outcomes. That her birth mother might not want to be found - or that she would not be as Mariel imagined.

I called Allegheny County Family Court and retrieved all the paperwork in preparation, and told Mariel that I would help in any way I could.

Then, on the Sunday of Memorial Day Weekend, something happened that none of us would ever have dreamed.

I had turned in before midnight because I was going to be working the holiday. Michael was in Detroit covering the Penguins in the Stanley Cup.

Mariel was up, noodling around on her laptop. For reasons that she can't even explain she began looking at adoption websites.

The next thing I knew the door to the bedroom flew open and Mariel rushed in crying and shaking saying: "Mom, I think I found my birth mother!!!!!"

Half-asleep, I was trying to make sense of what she was telling me. She climbed into bed with her laptop and began showing me the "adoption.com" website.

Mary Rita Harrison had begun looking for the daughter she had given birth to the day after Mariel turned eighteen.

All the information matched. Mary and the birth father were 20-year-old college students in upstate New York. The registry mentioned the baby's red hair and other details that could only mean that Mariel had really found her birth mother.

"What should I do," Mariel asked. "What do you want to do," I replied.

With a few keystrokes, Mariel and Mary were connected. Because it was three hours earlier in California a return message was immediate. "Wow," Mary said. "My heart is beating so fast...."

Mary had sent her phone number. "I don't know what to say," Mariel said.

I told her, "All you have to do is say is: 'This is Mariel,' and it will take care of itself.

The call was made. They talked for two hours. Questions that had lingered for years were answered.

Mary Harrison is married (not to the birth father - but to a terrific guy who has supported her through everything). Mariel has two handsome brothers, ages 19 and 15... and a sweet little sister who is 8-years-old. It is the only thing that we were unable to give her.

Mary's husband has known about Mariel from the beginning. She also told her children when she began searching for her first child.

On the night all of this happened I had to ask myself - 'Mary Robb - how do you really feel about all of this?' My initial thought was that I will have to share my daughter who is the most precious part of my life. But then again, when she gets married I will have to share her with another family too.

Mariel sent me an e-mail the day after - it said: "I will always love you. You will always be my only mother."

Twenty-two-years ago a young woman made a very difficult decision in giving her child to us so that we could become a family. How can I do any less.

Mary was generous in waiting until Mariel was an adult before looking for her. It is a perfect time for her to know and understand these good people who are part of her life... they, and we, now belong to an extended family.

It is a miracle - plain and simple.

Tomorrow, Michael and I will take our daughter to the airport. She is flying to California to meet the rest of her family.